11:11 PM

make a wish.

My wish? that new year's didn't exist.

Why? because I don't want to start over new, fresh. I don't want the slate to be wiped clean of everything. I don't want this year to be part of the past. I don't even want to think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow. A brand new day, a brand new year. 2008. The only comforting thought that could possibly come from 2008--ew--is that in 2 days or left I'll see them. I'll be sitting in the same room as my friends, smiling, laughing. That's the only grand event of 2008 that I can predict for the near future. Wait, there's only one more making a grand total of...2. The Taylor Swift concert--but I haven't even bought my ticket.

I want this year to keep going. This has--and I can say this with full honesty--been the best year of my life.

2007. it even consists of my two favorite numbers. It's no wonder that I had an amazing year. I've felt the happiest with my friends. I've actually been able to go to school and completely forget about the crap going on at my house.

There have been a few rough patches. Days where I've cried relentlessly. Points where my past has been dragged up, opening old wounds. Sure, those moments sucked. But the ones in between made it all worth it.

8th grade formal
Courtney's birthday
Caroline's birthday
Field day
Chloe's birthday
The Greek festival
Danielle's birthday
The day Amy moved out of my room

All of these have been amazing moments that past moments can't even compare to. I. Don't. Want. It. To end.

All I can think about right now, is the next few hours that I will spend, alone. On my own. I might have my mom and stepdad here, but I'll still be alone. I'll watch the ball drop, while in my mind I will be repeatedly saying, Stop. Stop. Freeze time. Don't reach the ground you stupid, moronic ball. Why are you doing this? STOP!

I'll be thinking about my cousin. my grandfather. my deceased grandmother. my dad.

I'll be thinking about how I'll have to deal with all of that next year. Next year that comes in 5 hours, 26 min, and 14 seconds.

The fireworks are already starting. I can hear them down the silent street, slowly multiplying, warning me that it's coming. Warning me that the new year looms over me, threatening me with the challenges to come. Challenges with my family, my classes, upholding my GPA, trying to get over not seeing some of my friends after the end of the semester.

I beg you, 2008, please don't come.

I really need to stay off the computer

I have one more post. Hopefully the last one for days. Hopefully, I'll be spending the next few days having an almost unbearable amount of fun. Hopefully, there will be so much laughing involved that everytime we breathe we are in pain from it. Hopefully, I'll get to spend the next few days with my best friends. But, until then...


drops of water on the pages
salt streaks on my cheeks
all are evidence to it
to my feeling for you

candy wrapper, chocolate smudges
stunning images, memorable words
never to be forgotten
in the midst of heartbreak

golden light through green leaves
illuminating every piece
unwordly glowing
I close my eyes tight

the words, the lyrics fly by
accompanying the musical eyes
haunting and lovely
glittering specks of every color

flash me a smile
bring me back to realization
as I replay what you said
and my legs give way

"I love you."


♥Heather

Sitting alone thinking about it all over coffee

There are so many thoughts racing through my mind right now. Jumbled up together in a giant mess of words and images.

So many things on my mind worrying me, exciting me. So many different responses to them all.

I need something to do to help me concentrate. Something to help me sort out all my thoughts into a steady streamline of sensicle babble instead of nonsensicle babble.

I wish I had a horse to groom or ride. Good music would help if it weren't for the fact I'd get so caught up in it that I would stop thinking about what I needed to.


I can't wait for the Taylor Swift concert on the 15th. I haven't gotten the tickets yet, I can't get ahold of Courtney, you're still gone, Caroline, and I can't get them on my own right now.

I hope Danielle and Chloe can go. I hope that I don't have anything to do for track on that day. That thought hadn't actually occured to me until just now. It's joining the others scrambling around in my head.


TWO WEEKS!! god, that's an awful thought. I know I said I was almost done, but since then, I haven't done anything. I haven't finished my portfolio. I'm completely stressing about getting in. I've been staring at the chapter I'm sending in for the last few days and I keep changing my mind about it. I don't want to change it. I do. I don't. I don't know. I probably shouldn't. It was my first instinct and you should always go with your first instinct...Ok, whatever. I'll put that aside and worry about something else.


I also keep drifting through the sea paper otherwise known as my bookshelf. I cleaned it out yesterday and I still don't have enough room for all my books. And I'm getting more. That's one of the things I've been thinking about. The Sweet Far Thing and how much I want it and how Walmart didn't have it and I haven't been able to go to Books-A-Million or Barnes and Noble to get it. Also thinking about Chosen, the third in the series I just read that's not coming out until March. Thinking about how I need it right now because the last one was just so devastatingly good and left the end open with something awfully and amazing and heart-wrenching and pure magic.

I need more books, but I don't have room for anymore.

This is fitting to be talking about because I am currently listening to Plenty of Paper by Eisley. It's an amazing song about a bookworm. I love it.


I think writing this helped me sort some things out.

♥Heather

((I don't like being seperated from the world like this))

never eating one of those...

We made a gingerbread house on Christmas Eve.

It was horrible.

The 'Ginger Kid'--yes, that is his name, not Gingerbread Kid, not Gingerbread Man, Ginger Kid--was on the roof about to commit suicide, the chimney was laid flat against the roof, the christmas tree--the only normal thing--looked awful, and the snowman was a giant glob of icing with scary, disturbing eyes.

Everything was together and then, it fell apart. The roof sides started sliding off, the Ginger Kid began to fall over, one side wall caved in, and the icing was all over the place.

We left it like that and poored all the extra candy inside the house through the extra-large opening on the side.

The icing tasted disgusting and so did all of the candy so we decided not to eat it.

We decided to blow it up--ok, that was my cousin's idea but we all joined in on it.

So, we went to get fireworks last night and we were going to take it to the beach, but not a single fireworks store from here to Myrtle Beach was open. Not one. So we had to give up on that idea for last night.

So this morning, while I was still asleep, they went to get some firecrackes and Black Cats. They started blowing up the Peeps and I heard it and it woke me up. Then my cousin comes running in my room screaming that we are going to blow up the gingerbread house.

We go outside and load it up with fireworks(all Black Cats) and light the fuse.

The house is indestructable. It doesn't even get a scratch on it. And we loaded it up. I'm talking almost 10 packs of them and each pack has at least 15 firecrackes in it. The only damage it sustained was a little burning and blackening.

We spent 3 hours trying to blow that thing up. We tried everything. We finally got it to soften enough to blow little chunks off of it.

And by the looks of it, I'm never, ever eating a gingerbread house again.

♥Heather

tell me your best Christmas story, please. I'm curious.

P.S. To see the video, go to YouTube. It's titled Indestructable Gingerbread House.
The member that added it is OctoberGirl47 (that's me)
And I sent it to everyone on my facebook friends list.
And I'm probably going to add it to myspace.

(Before and After pictures are soon coming)

I've been a lot of lonely places...

Currently bawling my eyes out on the inside. It's not that I had a bad day. It was actually pretty good. Amazing actually. There was just...something missing. Something off. Wrong.

I feel completely solitary, isolated. I've basically been holed-up in my room for the last 3 or so hours reading and writing and listening to my new MP3 player. The first few chapters of my book, to me, are completely heart-wrenching and make you feel completely small and unimportant in this world, while simaltaneously making you feel needed.

I cried almost all the way through the first 4 chapters. That's why I'm not crying now. I'm all cried out.

I love the book though. And maybe it's just me that would ever cry reading it. I don't know. I just did.

But the day has just been like that. Weird. Amy was crabby for like five minutes(usually it's longer) and then blah. Jack gave me the same speech about a billion times after my mom had already given me the speech about a million times. My Aunt and cousin fought(ok, so that's normal but I thought I put it in there). My uncle left, leaving my stepdad to bug me all day. We played the new Life game for the billionth time. I went to walmart and actually bought something.

It's just been a weird day. I hope everybody had a good christmas. I did.

♥Heather

every second counts

Cody
Libby
Katie
Hunter
Sean
Gayle
Will
Kristin
Betty
Bill
Margaret
Kelly
Krystal
Lauren



To you, these names may mean nothing. To me, a lot. They are my family. Some I've met, some I haven't. Some I will soon, some I will never. The ones I have met I will love forever. The ones I haven't I will hold a candle for forever. Some of them are visiting this week. I can't wait.


One is already here. It's exciting. Christmas is tomorrow and, for once, I'm not thinking about material things. Not about the presents, the food, the decorations. No, I'm thinking about my family. The guests to come. The smiles, the laughs, the overall feeling. I'm picturing Buffy, my grandma's dog, jumping around in the wrapping paper and bows, tearing off piece by piece.


I'm thinking about the days to come and the moments to be shared. Every second counts, and I plan on making it worth it. I'm planning on sharing every moment possible with someone.


What are you thinking about?



♥Heather

another poem

she said to her
"never let this end
make it go on forever
'till we're pale and cold

I don't want the time to come
of solitude and desolation
no time without the ones I have loved
right there beside me, every moment

the last should not come so soon
the first should be remembered always
but every one in between
are what makes it all worth it

the stories, the tales
the memories to come
shall not be forgotten
in all of the years

you are most important
I hope I am for you
because you will be there
the day I bond myself to someone else

the day my child is born
the day they go to school
the day they graduate
and last of all, the day I say my final goodbyes

my last will be to you"


so? Chloe says it's good, but I almost don't believe her...