I hate how little things change with the new year. Everything feels exactly the same and I'm not sure I want that.
I also hate how I'm debating actually finishing my application and sending it in. I mean, I really really really want to go, but I know that even if I do get in, I probably won't be able to, and I'm not sure it's the best idea to go, but I just loved it so much those two weeks and want to do that for two years. In a weird way, I felt more at home there than I have anywhere else my entire life. Plus, the people were just so much more accepting of you weirdness because they're all weird.
And if you went I would miss you and don't know what I would do without you.
So I'm trying to just do it and get it done and if it's not that great then it doesn't matter because then it's easier for me to decide.
That's the only thing that changed with the new year. Not wanting to send in my application.
I'm not going to make resolutions out loud this year because I want to do them myself. And because I don't want other people knowing that I didn't accomplish them. Because then I feel bad because emilea is a better person than I am. (You so are. You're the best person I know).
But I will make one out loud (or in writing, in a public-ish venue, on the internet):
1) Next year, we are TOTALLY celebrating New Year's Eve in a Waffle House. And you know what we'll talk about? The road trip.
hope I didn't freak you out,
Heather
wear your heart on your sleeve, make things hard to believe.
(Also, I hate how much I still like him even though we've had nearly zero contact for over a month and how much I fell for him to begin with even though he was across the country. And I hate how he gives hugs, because it makes me like him more. I hate that)
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
All these things I hate
from the mind of Heather at 7:28 PM
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4 pairs of penny loafers:
whoooaaa, heather. i might make noble attempts at noble things, but rarely do i ever get all of them. most of the time it's just half. granted, i'm trying to change that this year, but still.
i would make me weep. i would cry if you just didn't send it in. but it's your decision, in the end. the only thing keeping me back from sending it in (except an envelope) is the change. it would change the perception of my writing, it would change my surroundings possibly, it would change the people i'm around. and that scares me. i don't like one piece of paper mailed to me to change that much of my world. but it will.
and you shouldn't beat yourself up because you like a guy. again, i understand how you could, because the emotion is totally out of your hands, but still. you shouldn't.
much love,
emilea
You have to mail it, Heather. Even if you don't get in (which is unlikely). You'll ask "what if" forever if you don't.
And, if for some reason I was given the opportunity to go and I had to do it without you, I'd be really sad. Because laughing at Shelby in your room and having you videotape me running awkwardly down the hall and timing our poetry reading on your cell phone helped make Governor's school what it is for me. Thanks, by the way.
And, can I be inside this resolved Waffle House? I'd enjoy that very much.
Best of luck.
-Anna
You can always be in our Waffle House, Anna. =)
i want to be there toooo!!!!!!!! *whine*
: - )
i love you heather. forever and always.
emilea
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