Remember when we all used to blog often? I looked at my sidebar and I've only had 11 posts this year. And it's halfway over. What happened? Did we all suddenly get busy? Did we all develop lives in the last 7 months?
I apologize for never having posted on Don't Fret like I said I would. I can still post that poem I wrote for english class, but I have nothing else. Honestly, I haven't written in over a month. I kind of started a poem a couple weeks ago, but that's it. And you know, I think the problem is that I have too much to say and not enough fiction. My moleskine is getting lonely, but I'm okay with that right now.
So I was sitting in my room listening to Tickle Me Pink (they are accommodating to every mood, I have discovered) and thinking about things. I had given up on Wuthering Heights and my AP work for the day and was just kind of sitting there, which I've been doing a lot lately when I'm not out with someone. I looked at the drawings I have hung up on my wall and I realized I have no idea what I want to do or what I'm doing with my life. It's not like I just have no clue, though. I do have a clue. I want to be an architect or interior designer or graphic designer or own an inn or a bookstore or study sociology (don't know what I'd do with that, but I'd love to study it) or become a publisher or an editor or something amazing. I guess that's something to figure out in the next year or two.
But now, I just have to figure out what I'm doing tomorrow. Also, I have to figure out what to do in a completely new situation. This summer has put me in so many new positions that I don't know how to handle. And why does my horoscope have to be right this month? Gah! Did I ask for this? Could it be possible that I subconsciously wanted any of this to happen? Is this a wish gone awry? I couldn't have asked for this specifically. These are definitely questions running through my mind every night before I fall asleep, or any time I'm sitting in my room listening to music. I mean, I really don't like him.
And the worst part of it all is--the tragic truth is...I almost enjoy it. Or, at least, parts of it. I've never had someone call me beautiful this much. I've never had a guy look directly into my eyes like he does. If it was possible to kick myself for feeling so indecisive even though I know what I truly feel about it all...I would. A thousand times over I would kick myself.
I just want to stop sighing.
Heather
you thought you'd never say
Saturday, July 11, 2009
tell me in simple words everything
from the mind of Heather at 5:20 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 pairs of penny loafers:
Well, of course you kind of enjoy it. You don't want to, but it would be impossible to take absolutely no joy out of being showered with compliments and declarations of undying love. Yes, the better part of you wishes he didn't like you, but how could you possibly help being the tiniest bit happy about the attention? It doesn't make you a bad person,and it doesnt mean you made the wrong decision- it just makes you human.
And you didn't ask for it. Well, okay, it's possible that you did, but that's not why he likes you. It's not some evil cosmic punishment. It is because you are, indeed, beautiful. In every sense of the word. I was going to list all of your positive attributes but that would take way too long. Short version- you're smart and gorgeous and entertaining and a truly incredible person. And I am sorry to say this, but Zac is probably the first of a long line of unwanted admirers.
There will be wanted ones too, I promise.
It's really a good thing you added that last line. =)
Love you!
the modern period is so depressing. that's when freud came along and explained that everything happens because we subconsciously want it to happen that way and that we have no power. that's why i don't read horoscopes, because they seem to agree with freud, and that depresses me to no end.
yes, i miss the days when we blogged. i'm going to do a short post.
miss you, sorry for all of your sighs.
much love,
emilea
Post a Comment