ok...so...I'm sitting here at my computer on a Monday morning at 10:27 a.m.
Obviously I have nothing to do on my day off from school....
so...I'm going to put one of my poems on here...tell me if it sounds stupid with the rhyming thing because every time I read it my opinion varies
OK, here it is:
A tortured Mind, Body, and Soul,
But that isn't the worst part,
The last one is painful,
A tortured Heart.
A Heart breaking,
Pain that has no end,
The pain you caused,
To a heart unable to mend.
When you walked right by,
Without a smile towards me,
But a smile to her,
That's what killed me.
She received your love,
Warm hand and warm heart,
I received you civility,
Cold shoulder and cold heart.
If only I could switch,
Her for me,
Warm for cold,
And receive more than just courtesy.
To be held by you,
To come first in your eyes,
To be loved by you,
Would be the greatest prize.
It would stop the tears,
It would kill the pain,
It would mend my heart,
I would be happy again.
~Heather~
♥
OK, see, that time it sounded good to me...hmm...idk
opinions please!!!!!!!!! this is important!!!!!
OK I'm out for now
luvya
1 pairs of penny loafers:
lol. I know what you mean- i have a love/hate relationship with just about everything I've ever written... Of course I can develop concrete opinions on EVERYTHING ELSE... and my concrete opinion on this is that I love it.
I'm not typically big on poems that rhyme... but this is kind of more subtle-y cousin not twin rhymes that are good and not too doctor-seussy. the concept is good and it has enough emotion without being mushy or overly done. :)
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