Happy Birthday, Darling

I thought about making a playlist for you. Something to commemorate the last year. We have such similar taste in music anyway. But that fell through, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't (for once) sum up everything I have to say in music. Also, it's really hard. =) But I did figure a few songs. And I'm thinking, if I can, I'll mail you the CD as a Christmas gift instead. But for your birthday, I elected to do this post instead.

You have been such a great friend the last year. One I never see, and can't talk to in person, and can't just hang out with. And, despite all this, you really have been such a great friend. Just as important to me as the friends I see every day. You rank right up there on the list of people important enought for terrorists to kidnap in order to persuade me to do something. I'm serious. It's you, Matt Thiessen, and all my friends here. You see that, you rank with the holiness of Matt Thiessen (and Chris Martin as well, but I feel we should give his name a break) and all my best friends. You are the coolest person I know who I never see.

I love the way you are totally your own person, but still sensitive to how others perceive you. I love how you have complete and total confidence, yet you're a human being. I love how you are everything I want to be and everything I can't be, but I don't hate you. The exact opposite, actually. I absolutely love you, and am so glad that you crashed our blog party last year. Without that fateful moment, I don't think I ever would have been motivated enough to become a better person. I can't believe I won't be able to see you today, and I'm so sad you can't hang out with us. I really wish you could be here.

Thanks for being born. Seriously. You're awesome.

She waits, hesitant to say that her words are beautiful,
hesitant. Our reassurance doesn't
reassure her, and she continues to
question. Can't she see that she is more
than all that?

She has that way, of saying how she feels,
putting it delicately, though,
so you are never offended. She has that
way, of walking with confidence I
wish I had. She just has that way.

And on her birthday, I wish she
could be here, to live, laugh, love
with us, I wish I could be there, to see
her after months apart.

And on her birthday, I wish I
could write as well as her, to show
her how much I love her.


Happy Birthday, Emilea!!!! We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!
Heather

Forever, All, and Always

I will be thankful for:

1) My friends. I don't know where I would be without you. Probably one of those crazy girls that doesn't talk to anyone and just sits in the corner of the room doing nothing. I probably would never have done Drama Club, or I would have, but stayed backstage and said nothing. I would never have joined Book Club, would never have elected to apply to Governor's School, and would never have stuck it out in chorus with Mrs. Young. Thanks so much to all of you, Caroline, Danielle, Chloe, Allison, Courtney, Jessica, and you, too, Emilea and Anna.

1a) I did this last year, listed everything about why I love my friends so much, but there were a few people that weren't around last year that I'd like to say thanks to, whom I'm grateful for having:

Jessica--I don't even have words. I have tears and that hard, stiff knot that appears in your throat when you aren't really crying, but you feel all happy-cry-y and you just love someone so much and are so thankful they are there. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's Jess. I love how she's just always showing up at my house whenever. Just comes by at midnight to bring some cookie dough and some advice. She's always there to talk to, and she's always there to make me laugh. Our epic battles shall continue throughout the rest of the year. I'll miss her so much when she's gone, but I'm glad she won't be too far away.

Anna--Oh, what to say about my nerdfighting ninja. Other than I can't wait to see her tomorrow. And that I'm so happy that I wrote DFTBA on my hand that first day, or else we never would have become friends like we did. I'm sure we would have talked, hung out, and ate together, but we never would have been able to bond over Hank's gothic phase and all the other awesome things about Nerdfighting. I love that she was always around when I needed her to be during those two weeks. I love that she came and hung out in my room and held out even though my roommate was rather psycho. I love that she has the strength to withstand Shelby even though I barely did. I love that she hung around while I packed so that we could make the "echolocation video" that I still reenact every once in a while. I love that I can mug her anytime and know she won't be offended. I love that she's such an amazing writer and makes me want to be better, because her words are so beautiful. I love you, Anna.

Emilea--It's been just barely a year since she crashed our blogging party and made the two of us into three. Just a little over a year have I know this wonderful person that is always there to say something amazing when you feel like the stupidest person in the world. I hate how she thinks so little of herself sometimes because I think so much of her. Even if Caroline hadn't been practically staring her down that first day, I probably would have recognized her, and even if I didn't, I would have still become close with her, because she's just that amazing of a person. I love that she's always comment-ready on Don't Fret, even though it takes me ages to comment. (I'm so sorry about that, by the way). I love that she says wtc instead of wtf. I love that she's such a great person and pictures her family adopting us next year if we get in to GS. I love that even though you're miles and miles away, I still think of you as one of my best friends. =) ♥

2) Thanks also be to my chance to meet all the awesome people I did this summer at Academy, and for being able to experience two weeks as incredible as that. I've never had so much fun in my life, and never become that close to people I just met in that short of an amount of time. I think I'm closer to you two (In case you were wondering, and I'm sure you weren't, I mean Anna and Emilea) than I am to some of my friends that I live near and go to school with everyday. I love you guys so much, and if you hadn't been at Governor's School, I never would have become as outspoken and crazy as I am. Being forced to make friends that quickly made me a new person. Plus, I love all of you for being as awesome as you are. I can't believe I got to do that. (special thanks to Caroline and her mom for being so awesome in making it so I could go.)

3) Just for being able to live, to do the things I do, to be accomplished in at least something. To have plans weeks in advance and know they won't change. The security in the fact that there's always something for me to do, somewhere.

4) Though I may hate it 90% of the time, I'm thankful for how my world is changing. For how everything around me is changing and how much I've changed in the last year. I can't believe the differences in my life as opposed to last thanksgiving, when the only thing I could think of that I was thankful for was my friends. I can't believe that most of these changes are for the better.


Today's dinner/lunch/feast went a lot smoother than last year's and all the years before it. It went quicker and is nearly over. I'm sure later on, after all the adults (only three, but so what) have taken a nap, we'll play a card game, maybe watch a movie, and that I'll go to bed realizing that for all the work that went into it, and all the people that didn't come, it turned out pretty well. The only people that ended up coming were my mom, Jack, Amy, me, and Jack's friend Robert who didn't really have much of anywhere else to go to. The people that usually come that didn't were Natasha, Robert (my step-brother), my Uncle Marshall, Aunt Sylvia, and random friend that either Natasha or Amy brings along. Without all these people here, it was different, and weird, but nice nonetheless.

I hope everything went well with you, and Happy Thanksgiving

Heather

words I've used before on all the wrong faces

in which the freshman is an idiot

Yeah. that's me. I lied about the not posting until after Thanksgiving is wrapped up. Totally lied. Because I wanted to inform you of how much of an idiot I am. I'm a stupid "freshman" who totally can't make up her mind and is basing a lot of her decisions on other people. And in my mind I feel like Courtney, and that's not good. Not good at all. I love her, but I don't want to be her.

Today was great and all, and I love having a free day in geometry and the "naming" process of the Market St. Brass quintet people, but on the bus ride home I kept thinking. Which, for an idiot, is never a good thing.

But really, today was amazing. And technically I'm a freshman, according to Austin, so yeah. I can go to Academy this summer! Yay! That'll be fun. Except y'all won't be there because you aren't freshmen. Which will be tragic, and I don't know what I'll do but maybe Cammie will be there. She's cool, even if she is a mean cheerleader.

Once again, happy Thanksgiving Emilea, and see you soon, Caroline and Anna
Heather

shelter me oh genius words

I'm in a perpetual spiral of Cartel-listening and sudoku-doing. Plus sleeping off my sickness, which has almost completely disappeared. And all this spare time has left my mind to wander just a bit too much. But the sad part of today is that I didn't write a thing at all. Hence listening to Minstrel's Prayer on repeat for about two and a half hours. So yeah, I'm kind of worn out today, and very very lazy. Have to get up early tomorrow to clean, or else I can't, idk, live? There was no set punishment for not cleaning, but I guess I should do it since thanksgiving is this week (yay!). I should also get to work on my term paper. I'm so slack. I don't even think I have a copy of my bibliography so I can continue research. Oops.

I'm also worn out of seeing and hearing about Twilight. But I'm glad to hear the critics hated it. I'm also severely entertained by this post by ReviewerX. I laughed a lot when I read about 7-year-old-Bella-to-be. That was critical to keeping up my spirits on a lazy cold day like today.

So I'm just posting to fill time. Can't wait to see you, Anna, and I hope you have a good thanksgiving, emilea, since this will probably be my last post until after dinner on Thursday.

Heather

just give me strength, just to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)

1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, Winamp, etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Put the artist after a dash following the song name.

5. Put any comments in brackets.

6. Tag some lucky people to spread the disease.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Tucked Away-The Goo Goo Dolls

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Sympathy-The Goo Goo Dolls [how is it even possible to have two in a row like that?]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY? Learning to Fall-Boys Like Girls

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Yellow-Coldplay

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Draw the Line-Aerosmith

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I Like What You Say-Nada Surf

IF YOU COULD HAVE ONE WISH, WHAT WOULD YOU WISH FOR? 99 Red Balloons-Nena

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Looking Forward to Looking Back-Mandy Moore

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE THING IN THE WORLD? Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'-Journey [Oh, god. That's TERRIBLE. Why does that happen?]

WHAT IS YOUR THEME SONG? Radiate-The Honorary Title

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? invisible-Taylor Swift [ :*( ]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Lost!-Coldplay [This is only funny once you get to the end of the post. Then it's hilarious]

WHAT IS 2+2? What About Me-Keith Urban

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?Light With a Sharpened Edge-The Used

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? *stares at mp3 player with mouth gaping open, doing that crazy-laugh-shock thing, blinks several times* ... DANCING QUEEN- Christine Baranski [I kid you not. this is what I also got. I copied the whole survey from your blog, so when I got to this one, I laughed at it's hilarity. Then I hit next. Then I stared at my mp3 player with my mouth gaping open, doing that crazy-laugh-shock thing and blinked several times, so I figured I could leave that there, too. I only changed the artist because that's what I have on my mp3 player]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Shoulda-Hinder

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Plenty of Paper-Eisley [aw. Love that song]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Figure it Out-Plain White T's

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Staplegunned-The Spill Canvas [uh, really?]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Weightless-Nada Surf [definitely. Love it so much]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? There Was No Thief-Relient K [if only it had been Faking My Own Suicide]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Say Anything (Else)-Cartel

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Violet Hill-Coldplay

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Do You Remember-Jack Johnson

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Like a Knife-Secondhand Serenade

HOW WILL YOU DIE? Josephine-The Wallflowers

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? The Film Did Not Go 'Round-Nada Surf

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? It's All Been Done-Barenaked Ladies

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Honestly-Cartel

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Forgiven-Relient K

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Johanna-Stephen Sondheim [so so so so much. Scary scary song. Scary scary Anthony]

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Easier to Run-Linkin Park

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Billy-James Blunt [Billy? Where's Billy? Is Billy dead?]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? I Am Fred Astaire-Taking Back Sunday

THE NEXT TIME YOU HEAR THIS SONG (ASIDE FROM NOW) YOU MUST DANCE: The One Armed Boxer vs. The Flying Guillotine-From First To Last [Kind of hard. This isn't a dancing song. Not at all]

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)-Amanda Seyfried.

**********************
In other news:

Chris Martin should either never dance or always dance. I can't decide if the humor beats the scariness.
Why is Lost featuring Jay-Z on the Prospekt's March EP??? Coldplay and Jay-Z??? Really? It doesn't sound to bad, but where did it come from? And maybe it only sounds good because that's like, the best song on the cd.
Chris Martin apparently has the energy of a 4 year old or downs about 27 pixie sticks a day.
I talk about Chris Martin like I talk about Dominic.

Heather

Isn't it nice to know, that the lining is silver?

I tried my hardest to not use Relient K lyrics for my title, but no other lyrics came to mind, and these were just so fitting, and I need this song right now. Plus, I absolutely loveloveLOVE it. And I'm so glad they played it at the concert.

It's official now. I'm going to Arizona. Five days. To see my father and his family for Christmas. It's official because the plane tickets have been bought, a schedule has been made, and I've been told how to pack. Apparently I need to bring a bathing suit, workout clothes, warm clothes for possible skiing, cool clothes for the normal weather, and a few other things. I'm going to ride on a plane for the first time ever, and I'm not going somewhere I'm looking forward to.

My mom won't acknowledge the fact that we're going to Arizona. She hasn't said anything about it, accept to confirm the plans with Natasha on the phone. And that makes it immensely harder. It also makes it a lot harder that I was crying the other night when Jessica was sleeping in my room.

But the silver lining? I'm going to get to do a ton of things I've never done before. Like ski (possibly), fly on an airplane, go to an actual gym, spend Christmas away from home, meet my uncle's family and spend Christmas eve with them, meet my step-siblings, horseback riding, I think I'm going to be able to cut my hair short and then walk through an airport so I can dream of destinations (more Relient K), and (hopefully) own a cell phone--still working on that.

I can't write lately. Everything is really embarrassingly girly and gross and just disgusts me. I think I'm going through my worst phase of poetry, ever. Never have I written this much...I don't know what name to give it...crap, I guess, but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's amateur and girly and flippy, and my vocabulary fails me so very much right now. And my piece for my application is hard too. Only because it's just hard to write. I'm actually thinking of changing it up and having y'all vote on what I send in, I'm not as confident right now as I was a few months ago.

Silver lining? I've gotten the rest of my application COMPLETELY DONE. Except, of course, for my guidance counselor sheet and arts recommendation, but neither of those are my fault. Mrs. Riley is just slack and I can't have my transcript thing done until a long time from now, anyway.

I was sick today. Turns out the headache was a migraine, so it made me sick to my stomach, and my mom just told me to stay home from school to be sure it was gone. I would have protested but my perfect attendance will be shot in a month and a few weeks anyway, so what does it matter?

What's the silver lining in that? An extra day to finish Pearl Harbor. =)

I think my distractions have ceased, in a way. Well, in the way that it's all become harder to deal with and it's not so simple anymore. At least, I don't think it is. Have you noticed?

But it's all okay. Because I have y'all, and I have things to look forward to, and I have my WHAT nerds, and I have those moments everyday that I know I have the best friends in the world and that I wouldn't trade them for anything, ever, and nothing could change that, and they make me laugh so hard at times that I can't breathe and Dominic thinks I'm crazy, but it's fine, because he has a funny shaped head.

Love you,
Heather

Isn't it nice to know, that we're golden