let it rock, let it roll

I'm so calmly jittery nearly every day recently. Today, it's a good thing. I'm in a very good mood for no apparent reason at all. It's like, though I'm not reuniting with any amazing people today--in fact, I've seen no one all day--I'm very excited and happy. It's as if I'm actually at prom right now, instead of sitting at home while a bunch of my friends are there. It would have been nice to go, but sitting at home is for some very odd reason just as nice.

I worked out today, and actually went running--albeit only down the street, then I walked for about an hour. I lifted, did crunches, and did push ups. That may be the source of my mood. "Exercise gives you endorphins and endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands."

Plus, the alternative music channel is playing, which is the best one, and I don't have any homework, I don't have any chores, I don't have to do anything. I feel very funny today, too. Like I can make loads of jokes and only bits of them won't be funny. I know this is completely false, but I feel like it.

I feel like road-tripping. And documenting. I told my mom today that I wanted a video camera to document my summer. She didn't get it. I'd love to just document the next two years, actually, but I don't think that would work out with school and all. And no one would want to talk to me because I'd have a video camera instead of a face. But summer, definitely. I feel so teenage right now because I want something huge to happen, something life-changing, something extraordinary. I want to be standing this close to Will Pugh of Cartel as he screams the lyrics to "Burn This City" or to be right next to Chris Martin as he dances like an idiot or drowning in the amazing words of Owl City and Relient K. Or, if I can't do concerts, I want to be at the top of a bridge, ready to drop down with only a bungee cord holding me up or wake-boarding without falling or sledding/snow boarding down a mountain with no fear. Toned down a notch, riding around in my best friends car with all my friends around me laughing and singing (on or off-key) to the radio or dancing on the beach to freaking awesome music as Blake whips out his skilled moves or just doing something.

I'm happy where I am, but I feel on the edge of something new, and it's exciting. I don't know what it is, but I hope things are better after it happens. The best thing, though, would be if my family won the lottery. I know things aren't going well right now, and they've been talking about it a lot and how they might need to take out a loan to pay for May's bills and I just want that to stop. Every time they talked about it I feel so bad because I can't help. I'm getting a job this summer, though, so maybe that will be the source of the change? Apparently Austin applied there, too, and he's always fun to be around.

I miss you so much, emilea and hope you can get down here soon, and I guess I'll see you sometime in the summer, anna? Hopefully?

Love you,
Heather

This post is ridiculous, isn't it? =)