I like ice cream in the morning and drink my coffee late at night.

A million things are going on around me and not a single even brushes against me. I've balled up into a tortuga(turtle) shell and have decided to let nothing in or out.

I haven't written in at LEAST a week. It makes me feel very crappy about the whole thing next saturday. It makes me even more nervous that I won't get in. I won't make my last chance to do something with my summer and my life. There's no other year to do it. This is the year. My last and only oppurtunity. And I feel I'm wasting it. I feel that by not writing I'm completely blowing it. I have written a litte poetry (very weird in my case):

gentle green flutters

she speaks of the wind
its tender blowing far
from the Stillness
--she jumps in
going down

down(floating
upup) joining her subject,
working as partners in

one whole flap of
red, the opening violet, blue
expanding
she looks down at gentle
gree flutters(she
floats up...

up)

You know what the result of this poem was?? Nothing. Nothing except losing my favorite writing pen in the mess of my room-in-progress. I'll never find it again. Ever.

There is a bookshelf in the making, a desk and dresser in the moving, and a pile of towels that have all been abandoned in order to come to the computer and do what? Nothing. All I've done today that was productive was add about 50 songs to my mp3 player and make some CDs. That's an accomplishment there.

I'm actually living through music now. I have nothing to read except the daunting, intimidating pile of papers that is the Amber Spyglass. I read about 4 pages and gave up. Ugh.

Amy's at a band thing, as well as Chloe and Hope and Kenny and I'm sure a ton of other people. My parents are at AC Moore(????). Natasha's at a ritsy beach house/country club combo in Georgia. I'm here. Doing nothing.

Despite the terrifying grumble in my stomach that accompanies any thought of it, I'm excited for next weekend. I'll actually go somewhere and do something and see my aunt and go ice skating and drink amazing German hot chocolate and have cats and dogs following my every move and go to my audition. The last is nerve wracking but the rest hold comfort.

I miss my aunt. I haven't seen here since October or so. I can't wait.

I also can't wait for 3 more weeks!!!!!!! AHH!!! it's coming so very near and I'm dying of anticipation! I might actaully die off before it ever comes around...

hopefully not.

As always, none of this is meaningful. None of this shows evidence to my life and friends. All of what I've said in this post is complete crap and holds no importance at all. It's nothing.

I never have anything to say.

Schweet 15!

Happy Birthday!!

finally 15. The second one to make it. How does it feel? Great? Fantastic? Superb??

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday Dear Caroline....
Happy Birthday to you!!!

On to another note...I swear Mrs. Vereen is completely headache inducing! I've only had her twice but both times, I've come out of her class with a headache. It's dreadful.

I'm glad to hear that you'll actually be blowing up into a blueberry instead of just disappearing behind the stage...that's good. A lot better, in fact.

And I can't wait to go to Oompa Loompa School!! It's going to be schweet! And Michael does the best Willy Wonka. I think that if Johnny Depp wasn't as amazing as he was, he would have to worry. I'm serious. Gene Hackman(is that who plays him in the first movie? I think so) has nothing, nothing on Michael. He's really good. It's great. I actually like everybody except for Bryson as Mike Teavee. Even Paul I can handle as Charlie...almost. And despite Shannon's overall annoying-ness, she does a good Veruca. And you're a good violet. And Alex does a good Agustus(sp?).

It's going great for just the first read thru.

I'm so freaking nervous about the audition! It's in a week and a half!!! AHH!

I'm trying to hold it together though. Whilst mourning for Heath Ledger. We have to do a Heath Movie Marathon on Friday. I would say we could do it next weekend but I just remembered I'm going to be leaving for Charleston on Friday. Duh! And I'm not coming back until Sunday night. I'm staying with my aunt and uncle for the weekend and going to the audition(AHH!).

I'm so upset about that amazingly talented Australian actor who had so much potential and did so many great movies and died at 28.

It's sad, but I'm not as broken-hearted as Courtney who almost cried. Literally. I was sad, but she almost cried.

I would like to leave it on this one happy note, though:

I actually don't have any homework!!! (written, that is. I have to read about ee cummings which doesn't bother me and start brainstorming)

♥Heather
R.I.P. Heath.

not so snowy snow day

It is not a happy snow day!

We don't get snow here. Ever. It's like the stupid clouds are torturing us with the prospect, then pull it out from under out feet, only giving us showers of "cold" rain. The weathermen are on the clouds' side. The tell us that it's coming. They say, "60% chance of sleet, possibly forming snow..." or whatever they say in their stupid 'Weather People' lingo. Their stupid LYING 'Weather People' lingo.

ugh. My sister spent hours last night playing in the snow. She's in Columbia at college, and, typically, they got snow. She caught flakes on her tongue and built a pathetic attempt at a snowman- however pathetic, it was still there- and then made her way to dance class. When she came out, there was still snow. I hate her. I hate the stupid weather channel.

I want snow.

Now!

I am, particularly happy at something else falling down on me. A landslide of books. It's raining books. No, snowing them (that's only fitting).

"Have you read The Truth About Forever?"
"No, not yet. I want to."
"Okay, I have it in my car."
"I want it!"

Five minutes later.

"Here." She hands me The Truth About Forever.
"Thanks. You are AWESOME!"
"Oh, and here's Someone Like You- it's got something gross on it though- and then this book. It's just really good, nothing Sarah Dessen about it."
"Eww. That is gross. Ha. Of course, if it wasn't good you wouldn't have it."
"Of course."

She walks away leaving yet another pile of books on my bed. I love her. She's so great. She just has this mountainous pile of books that I haven't read hidden in her car, her 'cubby', her locker, her room, her dresser, everywhere.

Props to Jess.

So now I have...let me count it...seven more books to read. I finished Keeping the Moon. Love it. Love Norman. Love Sarah Dessen.

Seven books. That is perfection. That is heaven. And now, I feel like I deserve to be reviewing books. I was somewhat skeptical before, but now. Now, I feel I deserve it. Now I'm worthy.

Since it is now 2 minutes past deadline, I guess I'll just crawl into bed with the next one, turn up my cd player or mp3 player, and open it (smelling it first of course). I'll just spend the next day diminishing the stacks and stacks. I'll spend the day after building a new bookshelf. I'll spend the day after that rearranging my room. The next day, then, I might come out. I might do something. That is, if no one bails. That is, if we actually go through with our plans for once. That is, if I feel like leaving the fictional world I've become so accustomed to and joining in on the 'real world' that I'm not sure I like nearly as much. If I do that- or even if I don't- the next day, I'll go back to school.

I'll start fresh.

New teachers, new classes, new lunch. I'll start fresh like I've been dreading the last few weeks. I'll leave behind three classes I hate and one I love and join ones that I'll probably feel the same way about. Maybe even worse.

I'll miss friends and find new ones. I'll push for a tennis match and the Harry Potter Party. I'll push for those just to keep in touch. I'll try hard to keep in touch.

With you, it's different. Class or no class, lunch or no lunch, we'll of course keep in touch. Especially as your birthday is less than 6 days away. We'll always be there.

That's a good thought.

Just like the books.

sitting here wondering if it will be the same,
thinking back to all that paper, bound and organized,
leaving you now to join those that don't exist,
♥Heather

Something's growing under that wing
I think a face is dawning
Oh no the books are growing faces

Not exactly my kind of half day...

It didn't even seem like a half day. I loved only having two classes. I loved barely doing anything in either. I loved the steady flow of stories, books, novels, and other readables. I loved today.

It just didn't seem like it was what it was. A dream maybe. I'll wake up in the morning to find that it is Wednesday, January 16, 2008 and I still have two exams to take.

Maybe I won't. Hopefully I won't. Hopefully it will be tomorrow and I'll be going to see P.S. I Love You with Manwich in my stomach from tonights dinner. Hopefully I'll wake up to Jessica screaming instead of Amy. Personally I prefer Jessica, she's a friend. Her screams are hilarious. Amy, on the other hand, not so much of either.

I've been on the computer a while and am kind of mad that neither of you posted anything(that is, if emilea is reading this, otherwise just you). I'm kind of mad that he hasn't responded so I can't ask him if he's really going to California because I deleted the previous message. I'm kind of mad that my hands are so cold they feel like they might fall off. I'm also kind of mad that I still haven't seen The Golden Compass.

Which brings me to my next point. I took a test thing to find out what my daemon was. It's a jackal named Thalius:



that's pretty cool. And I'm also mad that I still can't think of another name and that we haven't started it yet.

But otherwise, I'm completely content and having a pretty good day (no, I didn't get a snackwrap*tear*) but it's fine.

♥Heather
(call me tomorrow!)

Thanks Rupert!

Yay! Emilea's coming back!

Heather says, reflecting on the magnificent video: "I'm going to be an Oompa Loompa in Charlie and the Chocoloate Factory!"

Yes, it's wonderfully true. I get to paint my face orange and dye my hair green 3 times!!! I get to say mean stuff about Violet (congrats Caroline!) and possibly talk about how great books are! I'm really excited, but Shh!! I'm tutoring!!

Ms. Riley is definitely the best teacher to come to this school so far. Well, okay, so I don't actually have her class, but I love her. She's fun, funny, and great for helping form the Drama Club again. I would have never gotten this opportunity in Drama Class. Snaps for Ms. Riley (excuse the ridiculous notion, but I watched Legally Blonde 2 last night).

And I get to roll Caroline off the stage while she's a giant blueberry!! "Violet! You're turning violet, Violet!"

That's the biggest news I've got, except...I'm going to Greece!! Not really, but in my dream last night I did. And it was like one of those Goosebumps books where you can choose your own ending. I changed the ending like ten times.

And I actually wrote haikus last night. I never write haikus. Ever. I hate writing them. But I love all of the ones I wrote. Especially a very cummings-esque one:

drip-fall-drip-ing-drip
soft pounding of Angels' tears
drip-love-drip-ly-drip

It reminds me of tictoc clock.

*screws up face in concentration*

Does it?

and there's a good one about an Angel at night. It's weird though because I don't write haiku.

I'm having an exceptionally good day, just to let you know Caroline. I'm extremely happy right now. I've laughed so hard today.

There were 'tupees', bags of hair, dumb Bambis, country names (kurkistan), Noah Breyer's specials, 'smokein hot' 'hunks' that don't do it for Mrs. Young because of their Mr. Graham-ish hair, and multiple others. Lunch was empty yet full. Books were piled up to a stack 9-high (lovely). I smiled a lot.

(pardon if the rest makes no sense)
He was around, a lot. He stood in front of me, blocking my path, smiling. I smiled.
He said hi, after weeks of non communication. He touched my arm. I smiled.
He sat down and stayed for a while. I smiled.
She talked to someone besides him. She laughed. I smiled.
She took interest in my book. She laughed. She loved it. I smiled.
He said I was a good writer. He said I was a good speaker. I smiled.
He looked at me outside of class. I smiled.
He was happy (or appeared to be so). He sung. He talked, he joked. I smiled.
She made amends. She apologized. I apologized. She accepted. I smiled.
She joined a conversation. She joined a memory. I smiled.
He talked to me. He laughed. He smiled at me. I smiled.
She asked for help. She wanted me to help. I smiled.

I smiled.

I'm smiling now.

I'm missing a few things about 2007, but I'm smiling. 2008 has finally brought an amazing, nothing wrong, spectacular day.

Thanks.

♥Heather :D

Indestructable Gingerbread House

this is the infamous gingerbread house before. To see the after, you will have to wait. I have more pictures, but they are in Columbia with my sister and her camera. If you look closely, you can see 'Ginger Kid' on the top, crawling towards the edge. I told you it was a really pathetic gingerbread house... I wasn't lying.

Well, that's all of the gingerbread house, for now.

That's all I had to say. I just love this memory. It's the best. lol :D:D:D:D:D

♥Heather

Bad Day

This day started bad.

I woke up with a headache. And a dreadful one at that. Since, I've taken 4 ibueprofens(sp?) and it hasn't even started to go away. I ran out of conditioner when I took a shower and so my hair is really dry. I cut myself shaving. I stumped my toe on my door and it started turning purple. I had chicken and salad for lunch (that's an amazing lunch and it's really healthy, so that was good), but then I was starving 2 hours later. I made some leftover spaghetti. And then I spilled it on my pants and the chair. I got 2 bites out of it. Yum, yum. And now here I am, hoping that my day doesn't get any worse.

It's also added to by the stress of the fact that, right now, somebody could be looking at the pile of applications like mine. They could be reading mine right now and saying, "No, I don't think this is very good. She doesn't have that many arts classes and such right now. She doesn't have much experience at all. Next." They could very well be setting it in the 'Not Likely' pile and completely disregarding it until the audition, where they will interview me and then move it to the 'Rejected' pile. I'm praying that I'm just psyching myself out and that really they are putting it in a pile with yours that is labled 'Outstanding'. But, the only think I can count on being outstanding is what Mrs. Young wrote. I can guarentee that they will think the word outstanding at least 5 times because that's how many times they will read it. I'm hoping they will think it more than that, though.

That little hope is the only reason I'm not curled up in my room reading and rereading, in my head, everything in my chapter and application.

I can say one good thing about today. I got the ticket. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It's so great that it even talks. It says freedom, happiness, friendship, excitement...hakuna matata. It is no worries. I can also take comfort in the date printed on it. February 15. I love that date. I love that its on that date, at least. It comes after so many difficult days. It will make things better. It comes after the second and the fourteenth. It's placed on the perfect day. Thank you House of Blues.

I miss you guys right now. It's been one day since I've last seen you all. It's only been 16 hours since I last spoke to you. But I still feel like its been weeks. I feel like I have nothing to do, no one to see. It's not the greatest feeling.

And I have nothing to read right now. I don't feel like reading the next one right now. And I left Lucky T in my locker. I don't even have any books on my bookshelf I haven't read. Well, except for The Lake House which is the second in a series, therefore completely useless.

Help.

Please?

I beg you. Fix my day. It's broken. It's fallen to a thousand pieces and I'm afraid I'm going to go with it.

I'm afraid that I'll always be like this. Seperated from the world. It got so bad yesterday I even wrote a poem about it. It's not a depressed poem, not like before, but it's sad. Not the way it's written, just what it's about. It's sad.

I'm sad. Sad that I feel so alone. Sad that I feel I'll never make a difference. Sad that Jack is so against what I want to do with my life. Sad that I might not get a chance to be in the play. Afraid that I won't succeed. Afraid that I'm pushing myself too hard. Afraid that I'll become New Moon Heather. Afraid that I will be attacked by a Specter.

I'm afraid and not in a logical way.

♥Heather

I fear I've kicked up the leaves.

Brightly Wound

up, that is.

Ugh. I'm utterly alone now. Why am I still up?

oh, that's why. That noise. That stupid irritating noise coming from the unresponsive computer in my room. The computer that WON'T TURN OFF!!!!

DIE stupid computer!!!!!

anyway, that's not the only reason I'm still up.

My solidarity and I couldn't sleep. I can't read (eye-ache--yes, that is real). I can't watch TV (nothing on). I can't sit here and stare into space or at a spot on the wall (tried that, got annoyed and wanted to punch a giant whole in the wall). I can't do anything. I hate this. My mind is completely filled up with thoughts and restless to where, even if I sit in my room in complete darkness and turn on my--Caroline's--August Rush CD (or any other music, for that matter), I can't even become tired in the slightest. I can't read either of your blogs because you haven't posted in days. I can't re-watch the Libba Bray video on her LJ. I can't make myself stare at bumper stickers or anything on facebook anymore.

I hate this.

I'm thinking about:

math homework
August Rush
my friends
memories
my family (less immediate and more aunts and uncle and cousin sort)
how Libba Bray pronounces Kartik cardick and I pronounce it car-tick
my music
my lack of substantial, time-consuming past-times
my lack of brain power at the moment
one of the two in the same
the many books I have to read (and ones I just read)
everything

I hope that, as you're reading this, you aren't as bored as I am typing it. I hope that you have something to do with your lives.

♥Heather
'It's happening all the time, when I open my eyes, I'm still taken by surprise'

dedicated to you

dedicated to you who have once fallen in love with a fictional character. you who have more than once fallen in love with a fictional character. you who loves books and calls dibs on fictional characters for fun and whines when you forgot someone and somebody else took them.

here's to you:

heart pounding
breaking my ribs-shattering them
palms sweating
typical teenage love as they would say

no-it's more than that
something special
expanses of ocean
where we would float
the never-ending circles we'd make

my hand in your hair
red, brown, blonde, black
ever-changing
never need be the same

it's you, it's just you, always you
with seperate personalities
you're the same
always

I read your face
eyes
the illuminating smiles
I take it all in, loving every bit

I feel a tingle in my toes
a ripple in my blood
the flap of soft wings in my stomach

it's uncomfortably comfortable
as my mind
it wanders free
always coming back to you
never anyone else

minutes tick by
seconds to the words
jumbled on the page
spelling out your name

the letters come in waves
hitting against the ragged rocks
washing them, polishing them down
to soft gentle edges
smooth as glass

and ready to shatter
if one foul swell
should come to pass
should dare to touch me

breaking you down
erasing the beautiful existence
taking away a part
a part of me
a part they wrote into my heart

~♥~


It's amazing how, once you start writing poetry, you can't stop. You can't stop it. It's like the first brings on an entire river of words.

I've never written this much poetry. Ever. I think I've written more poems in the last few months than I have my entire life.

please comment. tell me how you like it. It is, after all, dedicated to you.
♥Heather

really gonna be someone

Ok, as much as I hate New Year's Resolutions because they are just another way to fail, I've decided to make some this year. I hate the thought of New Year's Resolutions but I feel obligated to make some. Here they are:

1) Excercise. Attempt more for track(that's part of excercising). Run outside of practice and meets.

2) Be an amazing friend to everyone. Love unconditionally. Be there for someone. Spread the cheer (I'm talking 7 cars in a Starbucks drive-thru cheer)

3) Don't judge people. Get to know them before making assumptions.

4) Don't blow all my money(I need some for Disney World)

5) Think before speaking. Say what I want to just with more thought behind it.

6) Keep writing.


Now that those are made and posted so that I can't forget about them or completely disregard them without another thought, on to a more exciting subject.

Hmm...

Ok, emilea, if you've read The Sweet Far Thing, you have to let me know what you think about it. Caroline still hasn't gotten it and nobody else I know reads that trilogy and I have to have someone to talk to about it. It's just so irritating!

well, since I have nothing else to say because my life is pathetically put on hold...

I'm out
♥Heather

~for life is not a paragraph

and death I think is no parenthesis~