don't panic, don't panic

Terrified.

I now have lost all confidence in my future. Paul didn't get into Duke. He got wait listed. How? His SAT score was higher that mine. His GPA is only .2 points lower than mine. He's in the top ten of his class. He's taken AP courses and IB courses and all honors classes and he's well-rounded and active in school and community service and how the fuck did he not get into Duke????

It scares me so much. If he can't get into his first choice school (albeit a competitive school with a selective admissions where only 1700 people get in out of 23000 applicants) then how am I supposed to get into my first choice school which only accepts about 1500 students out of a large pool of applicants who are probably more artistic than me and will have more impressive applications filled with AP courses and art classes and everything that I don't have. It scares me to think that I might not end up at the school I want to go to. I know there's always graduate school but that's not what I want.

I hadn't realized until today how competitive and selective it really was. All I hear at my school is how people got accepted. I guess I should have realized these people were being accepted to USC and Clemson and CCU and other in-state schools that aren't worth anything in my eyes. These schools that are my very very last choices, that aren't what I want. I want a beautiful liberal arts school, small class sizes, accredited programs, a big city nearby, large campus, good work environment that stems from active participation. This is Washington University. It is EXACTLY what I want. What if I don't get that? I don't think I could be happy going to Clemson, and if I don't get into Wash U, there's no way I'm getting into Emory. I need more options but nothing is as perfect as Washington and I can't get past that and apply anywhere else. It just doesn't seem right.

I'm frantic and I don't like it. Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion. There are a lot of applicants to Duke. And he was wait listed. That means he's better than 21225 people that applied, at least. And he got into UVA and...Clemson. Think positively. That's the only way I'll get through the next year without breaking down. I hate this competition.

How does everyone else feel about college? Where do you want to go, what do you want to study, are you worried like I now am?

Heather

there simply is no need
how much I want to believe these words.