the winter's so cold

3 months :)

We play Hanahan tonight in volleyball for region title. Since we've already beaten them, and they've beaten us, it has to be at a neutral territory. Kingstree is that territory. Which is about an hour and 15 minutes away, I think. Maybe a little less than that. I'm writing this on monday night, going to set it to post before we play. He's coming. He's driving all the way out there to see me not play, because I won't. It would make it easier losing my position on the team if he didn't care enough to come all the way to our game. I would make it easier losing my position if the coach would just tell me I'm not playing, just tell me "Hey, I don't think you're good enough for this team and you're definitely not good enough for playoffs. I don't know why I ever put you in the starting rotation anyway." Then he would at least be honest with me, instead of not saying anything to me and blatantly ignoring the fact that I'm a competent player that sits on the bench with the second string, no matter how many years I've been playing. Instead of blatantly ignoring me.

I hope we win tonight. It'll be a long ride home if we don't. I won't get to jump up and down screaming and hugging everyone like I did the last time we won. I'll have a disappointment to mark my anniversary.

3 months :)

Not an argument yet, not a fight, not a single moment where we get irritated with each other. We disagree on some matters, but only the kinds of things where it's okay to disagree. Like whether sweet tea is good or not. Or whether Twilight is a good book or not. And we agree to disagree, or just argue playfully. He makes Twilight references to tease me, but it doesn't bother me. I call him a freak because he doesn't like sweet tea, and I think I'm persuading him to like it. He drank some a couple weeks ago. But I don't mind if he doesn't like it, of course. That's just him.

I feel like because I have such a strong, solid relationship, though, I'm not allowed in your conversations anymore. When I went to the swing on Friday, y'all stopped talking. Jess mentioned a few things y'all said and I hadn't heard any of it, because it had been out of earshot of me. When I'm told you went and talked and cried and I question what about, I don't get an answer. I get bitter looks from Courtney when the subject comes up. I know you don't all resent me for it, but sometimes it seems like it. I love y'all, and I love him. I want to be a part of both relationships. I don't feel intentionally excluded, but I think I'm definitely excluded.

And I want to make it clear, just in case anyone was upset about it and bothered by it: I did not invite him to Jessicas Friday. He called her and wanted to see her and asked if he could come over before the game. She said yes, I didn't answer. Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoyed having him there, especially since it was the only time I've really gotten to see him all week, but I didn't want y'all to be bothered by it. And I remembered you saying something about him not being there when we were talking about Sonic, so I wanted to be sure things were okay.

It's way too cold here. Summer instantly changed to winter. There was no fall. I hope the next couple days are warmer, especially Thursday. Ah! So excited for the concert!!!!

Heather

summer's over too soon


-------------------------Edit----------------------
WE WON!!!! REGION CHAMPIONS!!!!!! Woot!