falling into an ant's nostril

I bought The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz. So far it's amazing, but I decided to put it aside and finally finish the Amber Spyglass first. Since I don't want to lug that thing around school. I've started so many books lately, and haven't gotten very far in any of them. I was reading Familiar Heat by Mary Hood but it's used so it smells strongly of smoke so it's really hard to read. And Pay It Forward by Catherine Ryan Hyde, but I can't find it. I think I accidentally left it in Natasha's car or something. And How To Be Bad but I really didn't like Lauren Myracle's part. It was just ugh.

But I have been editing my essay (? short story? nonfictional piece?) that I'm sending in. It doesn't look too good right now, but I'm sure I can work it into shape. I'm using these euphemisms because otherwise I would be saying that I'm ripping up full pages and taking sharpies to entire paragraphs and marking out so many adverbs that my sentences look like they're all three words long and rearranging and then unrearranging everything so much that I'm getting dizzy.

But it's the 10-days-away panic that Caroline has further instilled upon me by constantly bringing it up. I forgive you, though, Caroline, or else it would be the day before it's due and I'd be just beginning this process.

But just to lighten my mood, I decided to throw in a poem:

Vanishing Point

You thought it was just a pencil dot
art students made in the middle of the canvas
before they started painting the barn, cows, haystacks,

or just a point where railroad tracks fuse,
a spot engineers stare at from the cabs of trains
as they clack through the heat of prairies
heading out of the dimensional.

But here I am at the vanishing point,
looking back at everything as it zooms toward me,
barns, cows, tracks, haystacks, farmers, the words,
shrinking, then disappearing into this iota
as if pulled by a gravity that is horizontal.

I am a catcher behind the home plate of the world,
a scientist observing a little leak in reality.

I watch the history of architecture narrow down
to nothing, all straight lines rushing away from
themselves like men who have caught on fire.
Every monument since Phidias converges on this speck.
Imagine a period that could swallow all the sentences
in an encyclopedia.

I have reached the heaven of geometry
where every line in every theorem aspires to go.
Even the vanishing points in drawings vanish here.
And if you do not believe me, look at where
the tangents of your garage are aimed.

You have heard of the apple that astonished Paris?
This is the nostril of the ant that inhaled the universe.


Alas, I wish I could call this my work but cannot because I have not written any good poetry in months. And this is beautiful. And, of course, Billy Collins.

Heather

Happy Christmas

It's not really Christmas anymore, but I hope y'all had a happy one. Mine was good, if not exhausting. I got this really cute shirt with pandas on it but it has glitter on it, so I'm leaving glitter trails as I walk through the house. It's quite hilarious, because George keeps following me and trying to eat the glitter. He's so cute. I love my kitten. And I got a lot of money for christmas because I visited so many relatives and they all just give money, so I have $150 to blow on whatever I want (pluse 20 more for BAM and Target). I was going to use 40 of it for my costume but my mom said not to. I guess she'll pay for that...*shrug*

My uncle was supposed to be here an hour ago, but he's not. So I wasn't able to go to Sonic for lunch because he was supposed to be here but isn't. Blech. And tomorrow my grandma and her dog are coming, and she's leaving the dog behind for us. Yay! More animals! Speaking of, my mom needs to clean the litter box in here because it smells bad and I don't know where the kitty litter is so I can't do it. But she's in Charleston with Amy today, so that won't happen. Oh, well.

I have a star-shaped scratch/bruise/something-that-I-don't-have-a-name-for on my face from sledding down a really steep and tall hill and then going over a ramp and flying in the air and then landing with my face on the sled. It was really fun and totally worth it, though.

No gingerbread houses this year, since we didn't even come home until 2:30 Christmas morning, but maybe next year...=)

Happy Late Christmas!
Heather

P.S. Emilea, your present should be coming soon but it probably won't be until next week. So it'll be a New Year's present.

Survey

Because I'm a copycat. Because I'm bored. Because I don't have a mind of my own. Because I hate being left out.

1. What's your name?
I don't know. I've forgotten.

2. What is your favorite thing to wear?
A green shirt and my very blue blue jeans. The green shirt can vary.

3. Last thing you ate?
Fries. Oh, the unhealthy nation. Oh, the unhealthy Heather.

4. One place you will NEVER eat at?
I can't gauruntee any sort of never. Maybe, in twenty years, I will have gotten amnesia, and I won't remember that I don't like barbeque. And I might actually eat at that BBQ place down the street from my grandmother's house.

5. I say Shotgun, you say:
"Wedding--Damn it! I didn't want to!"

6. Last person you hugged?
Zac

7. Does anyone you know wanna date you?
If I knew that, would I be sitting on my computer filling out your lame survey?

8. Would you date anyone you met online?
Eh, that's a bit sketchy. I'm sure there are plenty of nice people online out there. But I probably wouldn't date just anyone I met in person either. They'd have to be date-able.

9. Name something you like physically about yourself:
Er, I like the matching freckles on my feet. They're very symmetrical.

10. The last place you went out to dinner to?
Outback Steakhouse. I appreciate the hilarity of that statement. Maybe you don't.

11. Who is your best friend?
Myself. Since we're one person.

12. What time of the day is it?
4:42, but it wont' be when I post this.

13. Who/What made you angry today?
Courtney's non-attendance to the thing this weekend.

14. Baseball or Football?
Oh, it's just so hard. WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME CHOOSE? Especially between a sport for stupid people where all you do is run in squares, and they even have the lines drawn for you, and an excuse for guys to hit each other?

15. Ever gone skinny dipping?
No, but I'm interested in the fact that John Green has. Weird.

16. Favorite type of Food?
The kind that tastes good.

17. Favorite holiday:
The kind that doesn't have any particular kind of food attached. Oh, wait, that only leaves Christmas and those dumb holidays we get off of school but no one really celebrates.

18. Do you download music:
Not presently, no.

19. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
I don't typically wear shoes that require socks, so when I do, they aren't typically dirty, but if they were, it would bug me, but I would wear them before I didn't.

20. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos?
Nothing wrong if you know what they mean.

21. Would you date the person who posted this?
Possibly, depending on which person you are talking about. Because I'm sure millions in this world have posted this. But the one I got it from? I don't know, because they're two people.

22. Has anyone ever sang or played for you personally?
No.

23. Do you love anyone?
Yes. My heart isn't shriveled and cold.

24. Are colored contact lenses sexy?
Why would they be any more or less sexy than regular contact lenses? Or just regular eyes? They wouldn't.

25. Have you ever bungee jumped?
Interesting concept. But no.

26. Have you ever gone white-water rafting?
Fictionally, yes. In reality, no.

27. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you?
Not that I know of.

28. How many pets do you have?
I can't count. It's something like 3 or 4 or 7. It depends on your definition of pet.

29. Have you met a real redneck?
You wouldn't be asking me this question if you'd ever been to my school.

30. How is the weather right now?
Brisk (because I'm always looking for a reason to use that word).

31. What are you listening to right now?
The sound of Charmed. My typing. Cars. Cats meowing.

32. What is your current favorite song?
Er, uh, At Least We Made It This Far? Lay All Your Loving On Me? I only name those two because they are both fighting for attention in my head.

33. What was the last movie you watched?
Notting Hill. No, maybe it was...no. It was Notting Hill.

34. Do you wear contacts?
No. What's your obsession with contacts about?

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house?
The last place I went? On the bus. The last place I was? My front yard.

36. What are you afraid of?
Lizards, great white sharks, jagged rocks being thrown at me, being thrown into a pit of jagged rocks, boggarts, dementors, Wally, sharp teeth, having my hand eaten off while I'm still alive, A, scary mudering rapists, terrifying things.

37. How many piercings have you had?
Just the two in my ears.

38. What piercings do you want?
I'm fine now, thanks. Not in the particular mood for more.

39. What's one thing you've learned this year?
Anger is Good.

40. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
Caramel macchiato

41. What Magazines are you reading?
I'm not at this moment. But generally, the ones that show up in my mailbox. Meaning Entertainment Weekly.

42. Have you ever fired a gun:
More interested in the fact that John Green has fired a gun than in the fact that he's gone skinny dipping. My answer is no, if that's really what you're after.

43. Are you missing someone?
I don't think I can say it as well as John, but yes.

44. Favorite TV show?
Don't really have one. I like Greek, though..

45. Do you have an obession with WoW?
I have a fascination with the fascination with WoW.

46. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb?
haha. Yeah. Helloooo, Jodi Foster.

47. What celeb do you look like?
Oh darn, I just answered that question, but apparently Gwyneth Paltrow, too.

48. Who would you like to see right now?
Lots of people. I'm really bad at narrowing things down.

49. Favorite movie of all time?
August Rush, most possibly. But there are lots of contenders. Driving Lessons, for instance.

50. Do you find yourself loved?
Most likely.

51. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't suppose to?
Yes.

52. Favorite smell?
Books that smell like rain. Because they smell better than rain, and I like that smell, too. Oh, and peppers.

53. Butter, plain, or salted popcorn?
Buttered. But not to the point of soggy-ness.

54. What's something that really bugs you?
Lots of things. Mostly hypocrites.

55. Do you like Michael Jackson?
Not the person, no.

56. Taco Bell or Burger King?
I never eat at either establishment. But from what I know, Taco Bell. Is this survey almost over??

57. What's your favorite perfume?
Princess by Vera Wang.

58. Favorite baseball team?
no.

59. Ever call a 1-900 phone number?
I'm with Caroline on this one.

60. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep?
A really really long time? when I'm not sleeping for a long time, I don't go about counting how long it's been since I slept.

61. Last time you went bowling?
Jessica's party.

62. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
I try to avoid sleeping in weird places. But I guess my closet counts, right?

63. Who was your last phone call?
My grandmother. Wow, that sounds so wholesome.

64. Last time you were at work?
never

65. What's the closest orange object to you?
My nail polish. OMG IT'S TOUCHING ME IT'S SO CLOSE!

Happy Birthday, Darling

I thought about making a playlist for you. Something to commemorate the last year. We have such similar taste in music anyway. But that fell through, because the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I can't (for once) sum up everything I have to say in music. Also, it's really hard. =) But I did figure a few songs. And I'm thinking, if I can, I'll mail you the CD as a Christmas gift instead. But for your birthday, I elected to do this post instead.

You have been such a great friend the last year. One I never see, and can't talk to in person, and can't just hang out with. And, despite all this, you really have been such a great friend. Just as important to me as the friends I see every day. You rank right up there on the list of people important enought for terrorists to kidnap in order to persuade me to do something. I'm serious. It's you, Matt Thiessen, and all my friends here. You see that, you rank with the holiness of Matt Thiessen (and Chris Martin as well, but I feel we should give his name a break) and all my best friends. You are the coolest person I know who I never see.

I love the way you are totally your own person, but still sensitive to how others perceive you. I love how you have complete and total confidence, yet you're a human being. I love how you are everything I want to be and everything I can't be, but I don't hate you. The exact opposite, actually. I absolutely love you, and am so glad that you crashed our blog party last year. Without that fateful moment, I don't think I ever would have been motivated enough to become a better person. I can't believe I won't be able to see you today, and I'm so sad you can't hang out with us. I really wish you could be here.

Thanks for being born. Seriously. You're awesome.

She waits, hesitant to say that her words are beautiful,
hesitant. Our reassurance doesn't
reassure her, and she continues to
question. Can't she see that she is more
than all that?

She has that way, of saying how she feels,
putting it delicately, though,
so you are never offended. She has that
way, of walking with confidence I
wish I had. She just has that way.

And on her birthday, I wish she
could be here, to live, laugh, love
with us, I wish I could be there, to see
her after months apart.

And on her birthday, I wish I
could write as well as her, to show
her how much I love her.


Happy Birthday, Emilea!!!! We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much!
Heather

Forever, All, and Always

I will be thankful for:

1) My friends. I don't know where I would be without you. Probably one of those crazy girls that doesn't talk to anyone and just sits in the corner of the room doing nothing. I probably would never have done Drama Club, or I would have, but stayed backstage and said nothing. I would never have joined Book Club, would never have elected to apply to Governor's School, and would never have stuck it out in chorus with Mrs. Young. Thanks so much to all of you, Caroline, Danielle, Chloe, Allison, Courtney, Jessica, and you, too, Emilea and Anna.

1a) I did this last year, listed everything about why I love my friends so much, but there were a few people that weren't around last year that I'd like to say thanks to, whom I'm grateful for having:

Jessica--I don't even have words. I have tears and that hard, stiff knot that appears in your throat when you aren't really crying, but you feel all happy-cry-y and you just love someone so much and are so thankful they are there. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's Jess. I love how she's just always showing up at my house whenever. Just comes by at midnight to bring some cookie dough and some advice. She's always there to talk to, and she's always there to make me laugh. Our epic battles shall continue throughout the rest of the year. I'll miss her so much when she's gone, but I'm glad she won't be too far away.

Anna--Oh, what to say about my nerdfighting ninja. Other than I can't wait to see her tomorrow. And that I'm so happy that I wrote DFTBA on my hand that first day, or else we never would have become friends like we did. I'm sure we would have talked, hung out, and ate together, but we never would have been able to bond over Hank's gothic phase and all the other awesome things about Nerdfighting. I love that she was always around when I needed her to be during those two weeks. I love that she came and hung out in my room and held out even though my roommate was rather psycho. I love that she has the strength to withstand Shelby even though I barely did. I love that she hung around while I packed so that we could make the "echolocation video" that I still reenact every once in a while. I love that I can mug her anytime and know she won't be offended. I love that she's such an amazing writer and makes me want to be better, because her words are so beautiful. I love you, Anna.

Emilea--It's been just barely a year since she crashed our blogging party and made the two of us into three. Just a little over a year have I know this wonderful person that is always there to say something amazing when you feel like the stupidest person in the world. I hate how she thinks so little of herself sometimes because I think so much of her. Even if Caroline hadn't been practically staring her down that first day, I probably would have recognized her, and even if I didn't, I would have still become close with her, because she's just that amazing of a person. I love that she's always comment-ready on Don't Fret, even though it takes me ages to comment. (I'm so sorry about that, by the way). I love that she says wtc instead of wtf. I love that she's such a great person and pictures her family adopting us next year if we get in to GS. I love that even though you're miles and miles away, I still think of you as one of my best friends. =) ♥

2) Thanks also be to my chance to meet all the awesome people I did this summer at Academy, and for being able to experience two weeks as incredible as that. I've never had so much fun in my life, and never become that close to people I just met in that short of an amount of time. I think I'm closer to you two (In case you were wondering, and I'm sure you weren't, I mean Anna and Emilea) than I am to some of my friends that I live near and go to school with everyday. I love you guys so much, and if you hadn't been at Governor's School, I never would have become as outspoken and crazy as I am. Being forced to make friends that quickly made me a new person. Plus, I love all of you for being as awesome as you are. I can't believe I got to do that. (special thanks to Caroline and her mom for being so awesome in making it so I could go.)

3) Just for being able to live, to do the things I do, to be accomplished in at least something. To have plans weeks in advance and know they won't change. The security in the fact that there's always something for me to do, somewhere.

4) Though I may hate it 90% of the time, I'm thankful for how my world is changing. For how everything around me is changing and how much I've changed in the last year. I can't believe the differences in my life as opposed to last thanksgiving, when the only thing I could think of that I was thankful for was my friends. I can't believe that most of these changes are for the better.


Today's dinner/lunch/feast went a lot smoother than last year's and all the years before it. It went quicker and is nearly over. I'm sure later on, after all the adults (only three, but so what) have taken a nap, we'll play a card game, maybe watch a movie, and that I'll go to bed realizing that for all the work that went into it, and all the people that didn't come, it turned out pretty well. The only people that ended up coming were my mom, Jack, Amy, me, and Jack's friend Robert who didn't really have much of anywhere else to go to. The people that usually come that didn't were Natasha, Robert (my step-brother), my Uncle Marshall, Aunt Sylvia, and random friend that either Natasha or Amy brings along. Without all these people here, it was different, and weird, but nice nonetheless.

I hope everything went well with you, and Happy Thanksgiving

Heather

words I've used before on all the wrong faces

in which the freshman is an idiot

Yeah. that's me. I lied about the not posting until after Thanksgiving is wrapped up. Totally lied. Because I wanted to inform you of how much of an idiot I am. I'm a stupid "freshman" who totally can't make up her mind and is basing a lot of her decisions on other people. And in my mind I feel like Courtney, and that's not good. Not good at all. I love her, but I don't want to be her.

Today was great and all, and I love having a free day in geometry and the "naming" process of the Market St. Brass quintet people, but on the bus ride home I kept thinking. Which, for an idiot, is never a good thing.

But really, today was amazing. And technically I'm a freshman, according to Austin, so yeah. I can go to Academy this summer! Yay! That'll be fun. Except y'all won't be there because you aren't freshmen. Which will be tragic, and I don't know what I'll do but maybe Cammie will be there. She's cool, even if she is a mean cheerleader.

Once again, happy Thanksgiving Emilea, and see you soon, Caroline and Anna
Heather

shelter me oh genius words

I'm in a perpetual spiral of Cartel-listening and sudoku-doing. Plus sleeping off my sickness, which has almost completely disappeared. And all this spare time has left my mind to wander just a bit too much. But the sad part of today is that I didn't write a thing at all. Hence listening to Minstrel's Prayer on repeat for about two and a half hours. So yeah, I'm kind of worn out today, and very very lazy. Have to get up early tomorrow to clean, or else I can't, idk, live? There was no set punishment for not cleaning, but I guess I should do it since thanksgiving is this week (yay!). I should also get to work on my term paper. I'm so slack. I don't even think I have a copy of my bibliography so I can continue research. Oops.

I'm also worn out of seeing and hearing about Twilight. But I'm glad to hear the critics hated it. I'm also severely entertained by this post by ReviewerX. I laughed a lot when I read about 7-year-old-Bella-to-be. That was critical to keeping up my spirits on a lazy cold day like today.

So I'm just posting to fill time. Can't wait to see you, Anna, and I hope you have a good thanksgiving, emilea, since this will probably be my last post until after dinner on Thursday.

Heather

just give me strength, just to pen these things, and give me peace to well her wings