3 months :)
We play Hanahan tonight in volleyball for region title. Since we've already beaten them, and they've beaten us, it has to be at a neutral territory. Kingstree is that territory. Which is about an hour and 15 minutes away, I think. Maybe a little less than that. I'm writing this on monday night, going to set it to post before we play. He's coming. He's driving all the way out there to see me not play, because I won't. It would make it easier losing my position on the team if he didn't care enough to come all the way to our game. I would make it easier losing my position if the coach would just tell me I'm not playing, just tell me "Hey, I don't think you're good enough for this team and you're definitely not good enough for playoffs. I don't know why I ever put you in the starting rotation anyway." Then he would at least be honest with me, instead of not saying anything to me and blatantly ignoring the fact that I'm a competent player that sits on the bench with the second string, no matter how many years I've been playing. Instead of blatantly ignoring me.
I hope we win tonight. It'll be a long ride home if we don't. I won't get to jump up and down screaming and hugging everyone like I did the last time we won. I'll have a disappointment to mark my anniversary.
3 months :)
Not an argument yet, not a fight, not a single moment where we get irritated with each other. We disagree on some matters, but only the kinds of things where it's okay to disagree. Like whether sweet tea is good or not. Or whether Twilight is a good book or not. And we agree to disagree, or just argue playfully. He makes Twilight references to tease me, but it doesn't bother me. I call him a freak because he doesn't like sweet tea, and I think I'm persuading him to like it. He drank some a couple weeks ago. But I don't mind if he doesn't like it, of course. That's just him.
I feel like because I have such a strong, solid relationship, though, I'm not allowed in your conversations anymore. When I went to the swing on Friday, y'all stopped talking. Jess mentioned a few things y'all said and I hadn't heard any of it, because it had been out of earshot of me. When I'm told you went and talked and cried and I question what about, I don't get an answer. I get bitter looks from Courtney when the subject comes up. I know you don't all resent me for it, but sometimes it seems like it. I love y'all, and I love him. I want to be a part of both relationships. I don't feel intentionally excluded, but I think I'm definitely excluded.
And I want to make it clear, just in case anyone was upset about it and bothered by it: I did not invite him to Jessicas Friday. He called her and wanted to see her and asked if he could come over before the game. She said yes, I didn't answer. Don't get me wrong, I definitely enjoyed having him there, especially since it was the only time I've really gotten to see him all week, but I didn't want y'all to be bothered by it. And I remembered you saying something about him not being there when we were talking about Sonic, so I wanted to be sure things were okay.
It's way too cold here. Summer instantly changed to winter. There was no fall. I hope the next couple days are warmer, especially Thursday. Ah! So excited for the concert!!!!
Heather
summer's over too soon
-------------------------Edit----------------------
WE WON!!!! REGION CHAMPIONS!!!!!! Woot!
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
the winter's so cold
from the mind of Heather at 5:32 PM
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1 pairs of penny loafers:
I'm sorry for the exclusion. I know it is late, but I will summarize the friday things you missed:
-When we were on the swing, we had been complaining about guy stuff. Chloe was talking about how she couldn't be happy with or without Mosier. Courtney was talking about Reid. I was talking about not having anyone to talk about. The reason that we shut up when you came outside was because we'd been talking about you and Paul. Not in a bad way. In a they-are-so-cute-and-perfect way. We were talking about how amazing it was that you had been together for almost three months with no sign of conflict, and how adorable you'd been all evening (no one cared that he was there, just to reassure you). I guess it just seemed like an awkward conversation to have in front of you.
-I was crying about the eating thing, Courtney about partying and one thing she did in particular and how being there was hard because it reminded her of that. She's still beating herself up about it. Chloe talked about her parents and how she works too hard to please everyone and how (this was frightening to here) sometimes she thinks it would be easier for everyone if she just went to sleep and didn't wake up. Obviously, no one wanted to say this stuff in the chorus room. You were sleeping when we had this conversation. And I honestly wished you hadn't been. I wished you were there with us, during the crying fest and afterward. Because you aren't wrong in saying that you've been out of a lot of things and I don't like it that way and if I've contributed in any way, then I'm sorry. I think it's not so much that we resent what you and Paul have because I for one am sincerely happy for you, and everyone else claims to be as well. I think it's more that none of us really enjoy complaining to anyone, but complaining to a happy person is the worst.
But as I said, I don't like this at all. I miss you being a part of those conversations- I miss having those conversations with you. But honestly, a lot of the time it seems like you're excluding us too. In a weird way. Like you're in your own little world. I mean, you don't really tell me anything, but as far as I know you don't tell anyone else anything either. And maybe there's nothing to tell. But if there is, I want you to know that you CAN talk to me. And that I wish you would. Even "awkward" topics. Seriously. It's okay. I'm not that Catholic. :)
I love you.
Caroline
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