I wanna be right where you are

Summer.

It evokes drastically different feelings from every single person, that word. No one in this world feels exactly the same about the same summer. It has to be numerically impossible, or at least improbable. There are just two shorts weeks left of this one. Two very short weeks that I plan to make the most of. Usually, I'd be ready for school to start back. This time around, I'm not. For various reasons.

One of which is that so much has changed this summer. So much has happened. It seems to have flown past, but it likewise seems to have been forever. It feels like yesterday that I first walked the streets of True Blue with Kristen, but it feels like ages ago that I watched Hoodwinked with her, Paul and Austin. Just days ago, it seems, my sister moved out, when in reality it's been two and a half weeks, and sometimes it seems like months. As cliche as it could possibly sound, this is the summer that you read about or see in the movies. It's the summer that changed so many lives. It's the summer of so many firsts, so many hurts, so many joys. It's the summer that I can fully appreciate the line in your song that goes "thank you for the silence and sunsets and firsts" and feel everything that comes with it.

Another is that I won't be able to breathe when I go back. I won't have time, or space, or air. I'll have so much to occupy my time, at least until December, that I can't fathom having moments to just sit and relax or read alone. That's not entirely a bad thing, but it's an intimidating thought. Between book club, volleyball, drama club, ap, regular school work, a job (once I finally reach 16 in October), possible community service, and spending every free moment having fun with the wonderful people I call my friends it doesn't appear that school will give me any of the same freedoms as last year. It'll be tough to balance, and I don't care what they say about libras; that's not the easiest job for me.

There is no word to describe this summer. The closest synonym I can find for this summer is shift. A shift in everything. There's been a shift in every single one of my relationships with friends, an odd shift within myself, a tremendous, earthquake shift in my family. All of these have changed me, for the better I think. Though I can't really be sure.

I'm very confused. I'm scattered and scared and sick to my stomach. I'm antsy and amazed and just used way too much alliteration without realizing it. I keep finding myself breathing heavily or not blinking because I'm so overwhelmed. I absentmindedly bite my knuckles or rub my arms like I'm trying to keep warm. I feel in every deep corner of myself. What it is I feel, I can never be sure. All I'm sure about is that I want to be exactly where I am. Give or take a few steps in any direction.

Heather

'cause just a breath away is just too far