Coldplay warms the heart

I decided to give it a few days before I posted, but that seems a bad idea because I can't cut you off cold turkey (I agree, it is weird not hearing anything from you guys for more than the time between curfew and breakfast...very weird).

So I've kind of been holed up in my room the past few days, listening to my music, reading, crying randomly and only for a few minutes. I miss all of you guys and being home is just weird. Especially since my bed is less comfortable than the one there, I pulled my blinds closed because it wasn't dark enough in my room, I've been reading Litmus, 2007 repeatedly, I've been wearing my blaringly green governor's school t-shirt to bed every night (I couldn't get the football one because they only had large and x-large left), and I keep waking up automatically at about 7 and wanting to go to bed at 11 and expecting to go to class and have a two hour lunch and eat delicious food three times a day and have tator tots and grits for breakfast and see you guys and see Mamie and Scott and Julia and all the other people from creative writing and make fun of Walker (Homewrecka) and go to stupid mandatory fun and crack up at Luke's jokes and stalk people and I'm just so sad that I can't.

It feels like I should be there now. That I'll be going back tomorrow.

I'm also going into writing withdrawal. I started to write yesterday and it felt wrong, somehow. I felt like I should have Mamie there to critique my poems and Scott to tell me my fiction sucks.

But other than the post-gov. school depression, I'm also kind of angry. I feel very teenager.

I'm angry and/or sad about:
1) Dante and Dominic (angry and sad)
2) Being home (sad)
3) Losing my piece of paper that says "Unlock the Door" in Katherine's handwriting (angry)
4) Not having delicious food all the time (angry and sad)
5) Unpacking (nostalgically--is that a word?--sad)
6) The fact that I can't create a better list and that I'm probably depressing y'all (angry =/)

There have been a few good things since I've gotten back. I just can't remember what they are. Especially since I haven't even talked to any of my friends.

I miss you all. I know that only you two (Caroline and Emilea) actually read my blog, but I'm saying this to all of you out in this world (Luke, Emily, Emilea, Jane, Tori, Anna...and then all the other people that didn't eat with us but are very awesome people (Katherine, Zach, Lukas, Megan, Julie, Walker--see how they are next to each other??--Georgia, Mamie, Julia, Scott, Gorgeous Drama Man, and then all the other people)

Heather

we've been living a lie, inside a bubble

I promise to be less depressing in my next post (and there will be poetry, something I wrote at GS that you guys didn't read. Or maybe my weird prose/thing about a little girl. But probably poetry)