Bad Day

This day started bad.

I woke up with a headache. And a dreadful one at that. Since, I've taken 4 ibueprofens(sp?) and it hasn't even started to go away. I ran out of conditioner when I took a shower and so my hair is really dry. I cut myself shaving. I stumped my toe on my door and it started turning purple. I had chicken and salad for lunch (that's an amazing lunch and it's really healthy, so that was good), but then I was starving 2 hours later. I made some leftover spaghetti. And then I spilled it on my pants and the chair. I got 2 bites out of it. Yum, yum. And now here I am, hoping that my day doesn't get any worse.

It's also added to by the stress of the fact that, right now, somebody could be looking at the pile of applications like mine. They could be reading mine right now and saying, "No, I don't think this is very good. She doesn't have that many arts classes and such right now. She doesn't have much experience at all. Next." They could very well be setting it in the 'Not Likely' pile and completely disregarding it until the audition, where they will interview me and then move it to the 'Rejected' pile. I'm praying that I'm just psyching myself out and that really they are putting it in a pile with yours that is labled 'Outstanding'. But, the only think I can count on being outstanding is what Mrs. Young wrote. I can guarentee that they will think the word outstanding at least 5 times because that's how many times they will read it. I'm hoping they will think it more than that, though.

That little hope is the only reason I'm not curled up in my room reading and rereading, in my head, everything in my chapter and application.

I can say one good thing about today. I got the ticket. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. It's so great that it even talks. It says freedom, happiness, friendship, excitement...hakuna matata. It is no worries. I can also take comfort in the date printed on it. February 15. I love that date. I love that its on that date, at least. It comes after so many difficult days. It will make things better. It comes after the second and the fourteenth. It's placed on the perfect day. Thank you House of Blues.

I miss you guys right now. It's been one day since I've last seen you all. It's only been 16 hours since I last spoke to you. But I still feel like its been weeks. I feel like I have nothing to do, no one to see. It's not the greatest feeling.

And I have nothing to read right now. I don't feel like reading the next one right now. And I left Lucky T in my locker. I don't even have any books on my bookshelf I haven't read. Well, except for The Lake House which is the second in a series, therefore completely useless.

Help.

Please?

I beg you. Fix my day. It's broken. It's fallen to a thousand pieces and I'm afraid I'm going to go with it.

I'm afraid that I'll always be like this. Seperated from the world. It got so bad yesterday I even wrote a poem about it. It's not a depressed poem, not like before, but it's sad. Not the way it's written, just what it's about. It's sad.

I'm sad. Sad that I feel so alone. Sad that I feel I'll never make a difference. Sad that Jack is so against what I want to do with my life. Sad that I might not get a chance to be in the play. Afraid that I won't succeed. Afraid that I'm pushing myself too hard. Afraid that I'll become New Moon Heather. Afraid that I will be attacked by a Specter.

I'm afraid and not in a logical way.

♥Heather

I fear I've kicked up the leaves.