11:11 PM

make a wish.

My wish? that new year's didn't exist.

Why? because I don't want to start over new, fresh. I don't want the slate to be wiped clean of everything. I don't want this year to be part of the past. I don't even want to think about tomorrow.

Tomorrow. A brand new day, a brand new year. 2008. The only comforting thought that could possibly come from 2008--ew--is that in 2 days or left I'll see them. I'll be sitting in the same room as my friends, smiling, laughing. That's the only grand event of 2008 that I can predict for the near future. Wait, there's only one more making a grand total of...2. The Taylor Swift concert--but I haven't even bought my ticket.

I want this year to keep going. This has--and I can say this with full honesty--been the best year of my life.

2007. it even consists of my two favorite numbers. It's no wonder that I had an amazing year. I've felt the happiest with my friends. I've actually been able to go to school and completely forget about the crap going on at my house.

There have been a few rough patches. Days where I've cried relentlessly. Points where my past has been dragged up, opening old wounds. Sure, those moments sucked. But the ones in between made it all worth it.

8th grade formal
Courtney's birthday
Caroline's birthday
Field day
Chloe's birthday
The Greek festival
Danielle's birthday
The day Amy moved out of my room

All of these have been amazing moments that past moments can't even compare to. I. Don't. Want. It. To end.

All I can think about right now, is the next few hours that I will spend, alone. On my own. I might have my mom and stepdad here, but I'll still be alone. I'll watch the ball drop, while in my mind I will be repeatedly saying, Stop. Stop. Freeze time. Don't reach the ground you stupid, moronic ball. Why are you doing this? STOP!

I'll be thinking about my cousin. my grandfather. my deceased grandmother. my dad.

I'll be thinking about how I'll have to deal with all of that next year. Next year that comes in 5 hours, 26 min, and 14 seconds.

The fireworks are already starting. I can hear them down the silent street, slowly multiplying, warning me that it's coming. Warning me that the new year looms over me, threatening me with the challenges to come. Challenges with my family, my classes, upholding my GPA, trying to get over not seeing some of my friends after the end of the semester.

I beg you, 2008, please don't come.